


Not Very Effective...

by Ononymous



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Pokemon References, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 03:22:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13918332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: As Frisk's friends watch over them while their parents are out of town, they're doing something rather odd.





	Not Very Effective...

Oh dear, where was it? Ah, on the dressing table.

Toriel picked up the case containing her glasses and put it in her slightly bulging handbag, which in turn rested on an immaculately packed suitcase. Her brain reproached her for the hundredth time about bringing far too much for a journey of five days, a remonstrance she deftly parried with a gentle reminder of "just in case". Indeed, she felt prepared for anything she might encounter. But as for what others would encounter... well, she had better make sure the details were clear. Again. Just in case. With that in mind, she brought her luggage downstairs and propped it against the wall, before entering the living room where her child sat.

"Frisk, can you please stop playing your computer game for one moment?" Obliging, Frisk hit the pause button and put the game down on the coffee table. "Thank you. I wish to go over all the instructions for while I am attending this teaching conference. Your father and brother should return from their own trip on Sunday morning, and I shall return that evening, assuming no unexpected events."

"Okay, Mom," came the slightly bored reply, as the same conversation had occurred twice already that day.

"Now then, after he has taken me to the station, Papyrus shall watch over you until at least tomorrow evening. He told me he is uncertain if he can commit to longer, but would strive to do so. In any case, Undyne has also agreed to stay with you if necessary, but I am not worried if there is a brief interlude where you are alone," she lied, "I am aware you can fend for yourself if necessary."

Sensing the clumsily suppressed anxiety, Frisk walked up to her and held her furry hand. It helped ease the knot at least. The fact Toriel had also asked Napstablook, Doggo, Shyren and half the former royal guard to step in if Undyne was indisposed was also a factor in allowing herself to relax slightly. She would be texting them regardless once she left to remind them of their commitment. Just in case.

"I have several meals prepared that you can heat in the oven. There is money for a pizza, but you are not to order it every night. And you are not to eat all the pie at once."

"Of course not, Mom."

"I have a list of chores I expect to be complete before I return," she warned, "and if I learn you left them for your father to do, I will not be pleased." Frisk nodded silently, and a little mutinously. Toriel couldn't help but smile. "And... just please stay safe while I am away."

Mutiny thoroughly crushed, Frisk moved from hand holding to a full hug, which Toriel crouched to return in kind, nuzzling their cheek a little. The bonding moment was halted by a sharp knock of the door, which promptly opened without waiting for a response. Two sets of footsteps with the accompanying clacking noise a skeleton's body naturally emitted gave them a moment's notice of who the intruders were.

"YOUR MAJESTY, I HAVE ARRIVED TO TRANSPORT YOU!"

"'sup, tori?"

"Oh, hello Sans!" Toriel beamed. "I did not know you would be with your brother this evening."

"well when he said the kid needed looked after I just had to volunteer."

"NO YOU DIDN'T, YOU SAID THE BACK SEAT OF MY CAR WAS THE BEST PLACE FOR A NAP!"

"oh yeah. That too."

"Hey," said Toriel suddenly, "where does a skeleton plug in a lamp?"

"i dunno."

"In his _socket!_ "

All worries about leaving Frisk melted in the beauty of the joke. Her sudden laughter drowned out Papyrus' muffled grown as he obviously tried not to express his irritation.

"heh. good one."

"AH, THERE'S YOUR LUGGAGE," said Papyrus, "I SHALL JUST- HNNGH!"

With a tremendous strain he just about managed to lift the suitcase off the ground. Frisk absently wondered whether his arm would fall off.

"Oh my, there is no need for that!" cried Toriel, taking the case off him with little effort. "Your transportation is more than enough."

"MY GOODNESS, YOU MUST BE WELL PREPARED," he said approvingly, "YOU HAVE ALL THOSE SOCKS SANS TELLS ME YOU PACK?"

"Oh, erm, yes I do," she said, fiddling with her floppy ear a moment, "thank you for double checking."

"Wait, I always wondered," said Frisk, "why have socks if you never wear-"

"Oh my," said Toriel too loudly, "Papyrus dear, the train leaves in a mere two hours, we should go right now!"

"OF COURSE! TARDINESS IS ABHORRENT!"

"But-"

"give it up, pal," said Sans, "some questions aimed at a lady earn ya a _sock_ to the face."

* * *

"WOWIE, ISN'T IT AMAZING?"

Papyrus had a board with three poles resting on the outdoors table before the slightly untidy garden, sitting in the afternoon sun. A large stack of discs of a wide range of sizes stood slotted into the leftmost pole. Frisk was watching even as they continued to play their game, while Sans was maybe-asleep.

"AND NO MATTER HOW MANY DISCS I ADD, THE STEPS FOR TRANSPORTING THEM REMAIN THE SAME! A PUZZLE YOU SOLVE THE SAME WAY EVEN AS IT CHANGES? HUMANS REALLY HAVE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING!"

"eh, we got those too, bro. think of a number?"

"WHAT KIND OF NUMBER?"

"any. just pick one."

"ALRIGHT, I CHOOSE-"

"don't tell me what it is."

"OH! SORRY. NOW WHAT?"

"double it."

"DONE!"

"add six."

"DONE!"

"divide the number by two."

"DONE!" Papyrus' excitement was more smothering than the heat of the day.

"an' take away the number ya first thought of."

"THIS ARITHMETIC IS TRIVIAL TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"

"is it trivial if i tell ya you now have the number three?"

Papyrus' jawbone fell slack, clicking slightly against his breastbone. "HOW DID YOU KNOW?! TELEPATHY IS AN INCREDIBLY RARE MAGICAL SKILL! YOU SHOULD REPORT TO THE KING AT ONCE IN CASE HE NEEDS YOU FOR DIPLOMATIC NEGOTIATION!"

"nah, i figure my charms wouldn't _add up_ in the kind of ritzy joints he ends up in."

Frisk laughed at Papyrus' wonder, though stopped before long. They retreated into thought.

"you okay, kid?"

They nodded. Then when Sans went back to maybe-sleep, they pointed their game at Papyrus and pressed a couple of buttons.

"Hey Papyrus," they called, "use Cut!"

"USE... CUT?" He looked puzzled. "AREN'T THEY BOTH VERBS? I CAN'T DOING-WORD A DOING-WORD, IT HAS TO BE A THING-WORD!"

"Oh. Never mind."

"nice try, kid."

Frisk hesitated. Then pointed their game at Sans. "Sans, use Cut!"

"nah." Frisk looked put out. "hey, that pizza coming soon?" They nodded. "not if i can help it. _'thirty minutes or it's free'_? good thing i know a longcut..."

* * *

"You're not quitting on this, kid! Keep up with me!"

This was easy to do, as Frisk carefully added a yellow disc to the painting of the garden. A similar rendition, more crude but undeniably more passionate, stood a few feet away as a scaly blue hand withdrew from their own yellow splotch.

"Great job!" yelled Undyne, fins twitching slightly in the midday heat. "Alph! Load my easel up with white!"

"Undyne, couldn't y-you just paint the sky and l-leave a blank spot for the clouds?"

"That's _cheating_! If I'm gonna paint the best picture ever, I'm doing it properly!"

Both Frisk and Alphys heard the canvas tear slightly as Undyne attempted to replicate the violets that grew wild in the corner of the garden. The activity was halted as Alphys scurried over to perform repairs. Eventually the two pictures were completed. One riddled with childish mistakes borne of inexperience and lack of formal training, and Frisk's had a few of those as well.

"Ahhhhhhhhh..." sighed Undyne, putting the now-empty glass back on the table as she plopped into a chair. "Iced lemonade hits the spot on a day like this. Kind of a pain in the _aaaaaaaaaaaaaaan_ kle to keep hydrated though. Summer's overrated."

"N-no, Unnie, it's when I f-feel most alive."

"Hah! That's cold-bloodedness for ya!"

Alphys chuckled in nervous assent. "The f-flip side can be a pain though, you k-know how much coffee I need to g-get up during a snow storm. I kinda m-miss Hotland."

"Yeah, I getcha on that, humidifiers are annoying to use when you don't live near a river anymore. Still, weather's worth the price." The fish and the lizard looked up at the orb Undyne had rendered with all her determination. "So what time does the show go up?"

"Oh, the s-simulcast should be at three-thirty local t-time." The sound of Frisk's game filled the air for a few seconds. "Oh I hope that spoiler I c-clicked on was wrong! I c-can't believe that he would do that!"

"I dunno," shrugged Undyne, "It's been comin' a while."

"B-b-but he's the hero!"

"He's the guy who's done nothing but look for a fight a long time. If it takes being bested by one of his enemies for him to wake the hell up, then maybe that will make him a better fighter!"

"B-but the bad guy's irredeemable!"

"Like all the other bad guys he's redeemed over the years? Look, I'm not sayin' he's turning evil, but just he seeks battle now instead of protecting his friends, and if you don't know the difference, you're screwed! Not like this is the first time, remember in that one tournament he-"

"Yeah, and that was a b-bad move, but he just m-misunderstood. Y-you'll see, he'll bounce back and save the day."

"At what cost?" mused Undyne. "His warrior spirit means nothing if he doesn't protect anyone with it."

"Did Dad teach you that?" asked Frisk, not looking up from their game.

"Nah, that was something I always felt. Why'd ya think I wanted to fight him in the first place? I had to make him prove he could protect us if the humans came down and killed- uh, whoops, sorry." Frisk giggled a little.

"B-but..." dejection hung heavily on Alphys' shoulders "I d-don't want to lose what m-makes him so good."

"Well maybe he has to think about what he's been doing and have a character arc where he realises his mistakes," offered Frisk.

"But it's the f-final episode!"

" _WHAT?!_ " Alphys knocked over her lemonade at the bellow. "They're leavin' us with a crappy cliffhanger? What kinda idiotic move is that?!"

"Th-there might be a movie later."

The rage vanished. "Oh. Cool. Hey Frisk, you ordered the pizza, right?" Frisk nodded. "Awesome! While we wait, what's say we do a little light jogging? Alph, I know you skipped yesterday, you need to catch up!"

Fear descended on the orange snout. "F-Frisk, do you need help w-with homework?"

"It's July! You're gonna have to try harder than-"

"Hey Undyne," said Frisk suddenly, "use Cut!"

"NGAH!"

A loud snapping noise preceded a more general clatter of various effects tumbling to the ground. A shimmering blue spear was sticking out of what was now half of the garden table. A yellow eye regarded the mayhem its owner had caused.

"Oh. Sorry. That was a super secret move I developed to use against humans. Force of habit."

"Undyne," shrieked Alphys with relief, "th-that's the Queen's table. We g-gotta replace it!"

"Crap, you're right! To the furniture store!"

"Hey Alphys, can you use-"

No she couldn't, for she was in the vice-like grip of her girlfriend. Frisk registered a few notes thrust into their hand.

"I can't remember where you said your mom's money was that should cover the pizza record the show if we don't get back in time let's go Alph!"

And Frisk was alone. They looked at the unkempt garden and sighed.

* * *

The silence was deafening. Just as he liked it. A comet streaked across his mind's eye as he achieved total acceptance of his garbageness. As his consiousness dissolved to achieve pure being, the enlightened entity soared past Orion, at an angle which made the Big Dipper look like a glamburger. That's when he saw it. The density was beautiful, even as part of him knew that if a gamma ray burst ever came from it, the whole planet might be destroyed. For all the beauty of the cosmos, it was a harsh, unforgiving-

_Beep boop beep._

Napstablook became himself again on the lawn, the grass unmolested despite his laying partly through it. He slowly floated upright.

"Oh. You're finished?"

"Yeah," said Frisk pleasantly.

"Oh, okay. Thanks for putting up with me." The ghost floated passively. "I like the music from your game. Chiptunes are fun to remix. I'd play you my latest tracks, but they aren't very good."

"Are those the ones Mettaton danced to last week? He certainly liked them."

"Well he said that, but I think he just didn't want to hurt my feelings."

"Nah. He'd never lie about liking your stuff."

Their confidence at that assertion was palpable. And infectious. The ghost allowed himself a little smile.

"Oh, the sun's nearly set. I know your dad gets home tomorrow. We better go inside before it gets too cold."

"Hey, Blooky, can you do something first?"

"Huh? Oh, okay I guess."

Frisk pointed their game at him and pressed some buttons. "Now, use Cut."

"Okay... how?"

Frisk looked thoughtful. "Well, face the lawn..."

"Okay..." He rotated around, his eyes settling on a butterfly.

"And now use Cut."

Through the back of his head, Frisk could see his eyes screw up in concentration. There was a shimmer in the air, like the sort of heat haze that had pursued them wherever they went earlier in the day. For just the tiniest moment, Frisk fancied they saw something as Napstablook unleashed his power.

There was a very, very long silence.

It was followed by another very, very long silence.

"Um... Did it work?"

"No, I don't think so," said Frisk, "thanks for trying, though."

"Oh... Sorry..."

"No, don't be-"

"You want me to cover the pizza? Will that make you feel any better?"

Frisk looked like they wrestled with something. Then they smiled a small smile. "A little, I suppose..."

* * *

Their grip around him tightened. He couldn't believe it. All he had done, all he had inflicted on them, on everyone, and they still reached out to him, even now. All time is limited, not just his, and slowly he acquiesed to the hug, returning it in kind with his own furry arms, allowing the impossible bond to thrive for just a moment. It was likely he might never get such a moment again.

"Ha ha... I don't want to let go."

"Not even for your mother's pie?" called Asgore.

"Oh!" Asriel let go.

The two children sat down at the suspiciously new looking garden table as their father brought three comfortably warm slices out. Toriel's pie was nice when it was warmed, but warmed with magical fire was the best of all.

"Thonks Dadf," said Asriel mid-scarf, before swallowing, "this is the perfect end to a great time!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," said Asgore, "and I'm glad you told me about needing that quiet time. I can understand the need to be alone now and then, and a camping trip was the best way I could think of to get it."

"Yeah, you picked a great spot! Frisk, I'm sorry I asked you not to come, but I just..."

"It's okay. We all have times like that. Besides, when was the last time you spent time alone with Dad?"

"It feels like years," mused Asgore. "In fact, it was years! Consider us fully caught up now." He tussled his son's fur a little.

"It's funny. It was great and all, but I did miss you and Mom," admitted Asriel. "I guess that's a healthy sign."

"Indeed! We all keep each other moving forward. That's all we can do. I have to say, your mother's violets are stunning. I assume she asked you to water them, Frisk."

"Yeah." The tone was somewhat flat, but Asgore missed it.

"That's their beauty, they do not require much attention to thrive. It's like I told her when she asked for recommendations."

The three sat around the table in the glorious weather, picking off the final few crumbs of their meal. Unusually withdrawn, Frisk had taken out their game and was playing it again. The two monsters were so content they almost fell asleep, until jerked awake by the phone ringing.

"Oh, I'll get it!" Asgore left them alone.

"So Frisk, how was everyone this week? You heard from Mom-?"

Asriel stopped as Frisk was doing something strange. They were pointing their game straight at him, and looking determined. Then they suddenly pointed at the lawn.

"Asriel, quickly, use Cut!"

He tilted his head slightly. "You mean Chaos Saber? But Mom says I'm not allowed to summon weapons outside magical training, you know that!"

"No, not Chaos Saber, I mean..." Their shoulder slumped. "Never mind. I'll just have to get the mower out."

"The mower? What were you trying to do?"

"Well, Mom left me some chores to do-"

"That sounds like Mom-"

"Including mowing the lawn."

"Ooh, that's a pain to do."

"I know, right? So I kinda kept putting it off."

"And you haven't done it yet? Mom's gonna ground you!"

"I know but I thought- Look."

Beckoning Asriel over, they showed him the game, several small sprites stood alongside a menu. They were named for all of Frisk's friends.

"In this game, you can teach different attacks to monsters. And Cut is efficient at clearing up plants and stuff. So I thought if I taught somebody the move, they could mow the lawn quickly, you know?"

Asriel was looking at Frisk like they had suddenly transformed into a monster in the process of saving him from a terrible fate, an inexplicable act that may have slightly improved the cohesion of the Dreemurr family at the expense of raising awkward questions about whether humans could really live in peace with monsters without literal assimilation.

"You... you thought the game could teach us...?" He stiffled a laugh by clamping his hand around his muzzle. "I can't believe you're so stupid!"

"Why?" Frisk rubbed their arm defensively.

"Isn't it obvious? Those guys in the game are all _pocket_ monsters! We're all too big to learn moves like that!"

It was like Frisk had been slapped. A simple flaw in all their endeavours of the week unravelling their efforts and leaving them no better than when they started.

"Oh. I really am an idiot."

"Well, yeah," shrugged Asriel, "sorry I couldn't be-"

**"WAIT!"**

* * *

The lawn had been starting to lose its vibrant green colour under the assault of the summer sun, but compared to the average human lawn it might have been a leprechaun. Monsters had a knack for subconsciously pouring magic into whatever they were working on. each blade stood free and untamed, determined to grow ever taller regardless of what Toriel wanted. Until-

_SHING._

If given thought and voice, the grass might have waxed philosophic on how swiftly the end can come without the slightest warning. Instead a third of the lawn was sheared in twain, the liberated blades being blown away by a light wind conjured by the fuzzy child at the edge. Among the massacre, a small brown lump scurried to line up for the next attack.

This could be useful, thought the mouse, as the human and the prince cheered him on. At his size obstructions happen more often than you'd think. That was worth agreeing to helping the human meet their responsibilities, even before you took the two slices of pizza with extra cheese they promised was on its way here. Believing the one who had freed them all from the Underground would honour their commitments... It filled him with determination.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!


End file.
